


LETTER TO MY LOST ONE

by Rubyredpanda



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drarry, M/M, but also kinda some fluff, but is also happy, drarry fic - Freeform, im bad at tagging, not fluff yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-17 20:31:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14838680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubyredpanda/pseuds/Rubyredpanda
Summary: Draco sends a letter to Harry, apologising for everything he did and explaining why.





	1. LETTER TO MY LOST ONE: PART I

**Author's Note:**

> This is a drarry oneshot, but I might write a second part. Let me know what you think ♡

Dear Harry Potter,

I am not sure how to say this. In fact, I have started on this letter so many times, never finding the right way to phrase it. But I need to get it out, so here I am.

I know it might seem weird for you that I have written you a letter. Especially consider our past, and everything else that happened. Again, I am so sorry for that night. I never meant to say those things, and I hope you will be able to forgive me one day. I was just surprised to see you, and I was scared of what I might had said if you had spoken to me.

Still, that is not what this letter is about. There is something else I need to tell you. I dearly hope that you read all of this. I need you to know what I am about to tell you. You might not understand everything, but I hope you will one day.

A few years ago, I was cursed. I don’t know who cursed me. I was on my way home at late night walking down the streets in Diagon Alley, when someone kicked me down and cursed me. I rushed to St Mungo's, but it took a while before they managed to find out the curse used on me. Not even then was they sure they could heal me. It was complicated. I went for a long time not knowing if I was going to live through it. The worst thing was, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to live through it either. In fact, I was almost convinced that the world would be a better place without me.

But then you came along. You know what happened between us. Stolen nights, rushing through a lifetime we lost, and catching up with the pain. It was a lot, but it was also so wonderful. I loved all of it. Craved it when you were not around. I figured since I was going to die, I might as well have a good time before I go.

One day I got the message: I was not going to die after all. The healers knew how to heal me. After a long time, they finally found it out. However, I was not sure how to respond to this. I was not happy, but not sad either. I believed for a long that I was going to die, and then I suddenly got to live after all. It was seemed surreal. I was not able wrap my head around it.

You probably noticed some changes in me. The late nights that we shared was no longer the same. I changed. You never knew why either. I felt so guilty not telling you about any of this, I wanted to, but I was scared. Being with you was an experience, a life I never imagined I could have. I thought I could borrow some of your time before I passed, see how my life could have been. However, I couldn’t take more of your time. I was only borrowing you. But you thought that we could have each other, forever. 

I love you. That is something you deserve to know. I love you. And I know I will love you as long as I possibly can. I am not sure if you love me, you never told me, but perhaps you showed me? Through a heated kiss, a lovely gesture, or the affectionate promises you gave. But I love you, never forget that. I wish I could tell you every day, but if I am unable to do that, please remember this letter.

I never knew how to tell you things, and that is one of the reasons why I left. You don’t deserve to be with someone that is not telling you the truth. You deserve the world and more. But I don’t know how to give that to you. A small part of me hoped I was your world, but I can’t be that can I? I am not good enough, and I don’t think I can ever be good enough either. Maybe you will think that I am good enough one day, but I doubt it. I can only hope.

I know I broke you when I left, and I know you don’t understand why I did what I did. It is the greatest mistake I ever made. Please keep that in mind.

Your friends tried talking to me. I didn’t know what to say without crying. Just thinking about you hurts me. I deserve it, I know. Please know that I think about you every day. I miss you all day long. Your smile, your eyes, your laugh, your ability to make me completely undone. I miss everything about you. And I am not sure if I will ever stop missing you. I don’t think I am able to do that. You left a deep mark in me, a good one, but it still hurts so bad. 

I miss you, but I also miss us. I miss what we had together. Everything we did, all the days and nights we shared. I miss the way you would look at me, talk to me, hold me. I miss you so much. It is all my fault, and I can never forgive myself for that. 

You might have moved on, or even found someone new. The selfish part of me hopes you haven’t, but the other part, the one who hates myself for what I did, hope you did.

I don’t expect you to respond, but I wanted you to listen, and perhaps see things clearer. I need you to know that it was never any of your fault. It was not, it was all mine. 

Sorry if the letter is a mess, and I apologize deeply for all my rambling. I hope you understand how much you mean to me, and how awful of a person I was to you.

Harry, my dearest, I love you. Please forgive me. I will sit here and hope you write back.

Yours forever,

Draco Malfoy.


	2. LETTER TO MY LOST ONE: PART II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After receiving Draco's letter, Harry decides to respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to write a second part. I want to thank all of you for your lovely feedback ♡

Dear Draco Malfoy,

When I got your letter, I wasn’t sure what to do.. In fact, I didn’t open it for days. It just layed there on my desk, haunting my every move. Hermione said I should open it, said it might be important. She was right, as she always is.

I also want to thank you for sending me this letter. Truth is, I needed it. Ever since you left, I have been lost. Confused and distant. I needed to hear you say this. And you should know, I don't blame you for what happened that night. I know you, and I know that wasn't you. At least not in your right state. I figured you were surprised to see me, I was surprised to see you too. I'm sorry that I didn't say anything, but I didn't knew what to say. Instead I just stood there and looked at you. I forgive you for that evening. I know you didn't mean it, so don't worry about it.

I’ve read your letter countless times now, trying to figure things out. I wish you would have told me what was wrong, but I bet you already know that. Things would have been a lot easier between you and I, but when have it ever been easy between us?

For a long time I was really mad, furious at you for abandoning me. Then I started to blame myself. I lost someone so beautiful and astounding, it had to be my fault. I know you made it clear in your letter that it wasn’t my fault at all, that I should only blame you, but I am not sure about that. What if I tried harder to find out what was wrong, would we still be together then? I try not to dwell on it, but it's hard not to.

When I read your letter for the first time, I was certain that I wouldn’t write back. The funny thing is, the more and more I read your letter, the greater grew my longing for you. Something I didn’t even know could be possible, because I already missed you tremendously.

I miss you everyday, so much. Just thinking about you burns me from the inside. So, when I read your letter, all the feelings came rushing back hard. All the memories we have together, creates who we are, it defines me now, more than I would like it to. I never wanted to depend on another person, it's not a healthy way to lead a relationship. On the other hand, not being with you for this long, have broken me in ways I never imagined possible.

Draco, I love you too. I don’t think I will ever stop loving you. You came into my life and completely turned things around. You saved me in ways you never knew, and I will forever be grateful. I’m sorry I never told you, I always wanted to, but I have never been good with words. I hope I showed you enough. Next time I see you, I promise I will tell you. I love you.

Do you remember the nights we used to look up at the stars? You would show me all the constellations. Hold my hand and point up to the sky. Laugh at my silly comments, and kiss me all over. Wrap your arms around me and say you never want to let go. I remember all of those nights, the way your grey eyes shined, and how your smile could brighten the dark night.

We talked about the war together. Held one another when the nightmares came. Mine are still here. Those nights when the darkness comes, I miss your arms holding around me. Do you miss me protecting you too? I hope you do.

Ever since it started being us, together, it could never be anyone else. I could never move one after having you. How could I? You came into my life like a storm, showing me all that I could ever want. You are perfect for me, and together we are one. I just wish you had never let me go. 

We can't undo the past, but we can build the future we want together. I know say you want me back, forever, and I want to have you too. Though, this is something we have to deal with, side by side. I hope you’re as willing as I am.

I suppose we both need to work on how to tell the other what’s on our minds. It will be a challenge, but I love you, and I want to work it through. Because a lifetime with you, is all I could ever wish for.

Your letter breaks my heart, hearing what you had to go through. I need to tell you that you should not have to go through this alone anymore. It would never cross my mind that you're an awful person. You had your reasons for what you did. I forgive you. My darling, I want to help you, make you feel loved. Promise you that you never have to go through anything close to that again all alone. 

My heart hurts thinking about what we went trough. You leaving created a bleeding bruise in me, but over time it will heal, and I know that you can help. You always knew how to help me when I was down. 

I should end my letter here. You know what I can be like when I start rambling. It turn into one unclear mess, impossible to understand. I hope you understand it.

I love you Draco, and I want to be with you again. Please stay with me, forever.

Yours always,

Harry Potter.

PS: Meet me tonight where we had our first kiss (you know where). I hope I will be seeing you there, and I hope we can talk things out. We can work out where we go from here. I don’t want to lose you another time. I love you, Draco, I want to make sure I tell you that every day too.


End file.
